🔤 Yet Another Problem
And it didn't turn out like I expected
Hey there! I’m Robert. Welcome to a free edition of my newsletter. Every week, I share my story of building my dreams in public with bootstrapping a startup in AI, Alignment, and Longevity. These newsletters include my reflections on the journey, and topics such as growth, leadership, communication, product, and more. Subscribe today to become the person and leader that people love, respect, and follow.
⚠️ Trigger Warning:
This newsletter contains references to child abuse, sexual violence, and emotionally distressing real-life stories that may be upsetting to some readers. Please take care while reading, and feel free to skip this section if you are not in a place to engage with heavy content today.
I share with you part 5 of a reflection series I wrote on leadership from a pro-bono consulting engagement with the Cambodian Children’s Fund that I did years ago.
Read the rest here:
Yet Another Problem
Before the trip ended, we received a presentation from James McCabe - executive director of the Child Protection Unit (CPU).
It really brought everything into perspective.
CPU is under the CCF umbrella - their charter is to bring child abusers to justice and protect those who cannot protect themselves. They tackle yet another problem that could take a child away from the education system.
James shared with us a story of a Cambodian father and his daughter:
A young girl was brutally raped and abused, and the rapist’s family offered $400 of restitution to repay the crime to her father.
The father was put in a hard place - his daughter needed immediate care and hospitalization which cost money.
He had to decide whether to take the money or put his family through the judicial system to put away this criminal.
The latter meant time away from work, less money, less food, and less chance of survival for his daughter due to her immediate needs.
And James shared that there are 200 other stories of similar nature, every year.
What CPU does is steps in and takes away the decision.
Can you imagine in your day to day life, having to make that kind of choice?
I was shaking with anxiety hearing the story.
I thought about all of the little kids with beautiful smiles coming to learn everyday at CCF.
Kids who I’ve had the honor of interacting with.
Kids who are grateful for the escape from their tragic situations, and an opportunity to start a new life.
I thought about what their home life must be like - I put myself in their shoes, and their parents’ shoes.
I put myself in the shoes of that father, having to make a monumentally difficult choice.
In doing this, I felt but a fraction of the struggle.
And still, I was overwhelmed with a deep, deep sadness. I was heartbroken.
I couldn’t accept that this is a reality that other people live in.
And after the tears eventually stopped flowing and the sadness went away, I felt inspired.
I was inspired by the resilience of everybody I met.
They experience emotionally demanding situations day to day, and it is their choice to push forward and make difficult decisions under uncompromising ambiguity.
I saw true leadership, firsthand.
As a teammate of mine beautifully put it, we have to learn to accept what we can’t accept.
We can only look at these larger problems, empathize, and accept our contributions towards solving them.
We have to accept that we can’t change everything all at once.
We have to accept that we are one small part of a larger movement of positive change.
So let’s revisit the “Why”: why should we minimize the IT to education staff ratio at CCF?
Originally - this was my “Why”: to allow CCF to scale, to get more students into the system and out of poverty.
Now, I look back at that original “Why” and frown.
Now with the first hand experiences I’ve had, the stories I’ve learned, and the contexts I’ve lived in, that original “Why” is just not enough.
I have a new “Why”.
At a micro level:
To allow CCF to scale, to get more students into the system and out of poverty
To build communities by building up community leaders from within
At a macro level:
To build a better Cambodia
To increase growth in artistic expression as a means to preserve their beautiful culture
My KPI never changed.
However, I now understood it wasn't the one that truly mattered. It fell into much bigger ones that were difficult to quantify.
And the “Why” absolutely changed.
And when I take a step back, I realize I have too.
I came to Cambodia with zero expectations and walk away with a better understanding of where I fit into the bigger picture.
I come back home a bit more aware, with a bit more empathy.
I will say that the privilege to serve in a project of this nature acted as a forcing function to deal with hard situations and subsequent emotions.
It was never easy.
It was extremely difficult and trying being introduced to a world drastically different than your own, filled with people living their lives in a way that simultaneously breaks your heart and inspires hope.
But was it worth it?
Absolutely.
What Team4Tech has done in designing their program towards individual growth is remarkable.
Intentional or not, their program places you in the ideal situation for growth by nurturing vulnerability and a yearning for connection.
When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you allow yourself to grow.
Home
I got back home.
It was a curious sensation to revisit the world I left just two weeks prior and see that not all that much has changed here.
I felt like I just went through a whole journey, and reassimilating back to my normal life was quite a transition.
Reverse culture shock.
I went back to work and, for the first time in a long while, I felt confident in myself.
It was weird - I felt lighter in a way.
My general decision making came easier, and with less anxiety. I didn’t feel as underwater as I had been.
I had changed quite a bit, I realized.
At the end of my first week back, I called my dad on my commute home.
I call my dad maybe once every few months.
After this trip, I wanted to make that a more regular thing.
I shared with him the growth I’ve gone through, and tried my best to articulate my experience.
It was an emotional conversation.
That conversation I had myself under the shower only a week ago, repeated itself.
And this time - the words came from my dad.
“Sorry son, we didn’t ever intend for you to feel that way. We love you.'' he said.
I hung up the phone.
I cried like a baby, until the infinite tears of my inner child became finite.
For the first time in my life, the gulf between us didn’t feel insurmountable.
I started imagining family Christmas time, camping trips, barbecues - you name it.
Those all sounded like real possibilities now rather than just living in my dreams.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable and embraced my emotions - no matter how painful.
As a result, I am moving past my confidence issues and towards a better relationship with my family.
This first hand experience in Cambodia will serve as a strong memory to fuel continual gratitude for life.
My emotional intelligence and empathy muscles were put to the test daily - I’ve looked at a fraction of the adversity that these Cambodian people face and am more centered as a result.
The entire experience will help me stay whole, aware, and grounded when encountering any situation.
I’ve learned that the better that you understand and accept yourself, the more you can be there for others and meet them where they need you.
The better that you can serve those around you and enable their growth.
And that, to me, is the basis of true leadership.
Thank you CCF, thank you Workday, thank you Adobe.
Thank you to my teammates for an unforgettable experience.
Thank you to the giants whose shoulders I stand on.
Thank you mom, thank you dad.
Thank you for reading!
This transformative experience (among others) directly drives my fire for Epistemic Me, to help others shed limiting beliefs with my passion in technology & AI. To do that, one must understand the self.
If you have feedback or anything to share around this story—please reach out!
Liked this article?
💚 Click the like button.
Feedback or addition?
💬 Add a comment.
Know someone that would find this helpful?
🔁 Share this post.
P.S. If you haven’t already checked out podcast, ABCs for Building The Future, where I reflect on my founder’s journey building a venture in the open. Check out my learnings on product, leadership, entrepreneurship, and more—in real time!
P.S.S. Want reminders on entrepreneurship, growth, leadership, empathy, and product?
Follow me on..