Found a new co-founder for life
His name is...
Back in December, I lost my best friend.
Nibbler was more than a dog—he was my teammate in life.
My shadow.
My rock.
We had 8 years of adventures together.
When I lost him, it felt like I lost the only being in life I could truly rely on.
Since then, I’ve been telling myself this is my grind era—the time in life when I’m least tethered.
No girlfriend.
No dog.
Just me,
the startup,
the day job,
and helping my family through their own mental health struggles.
I convinced myself that loneliness was just part of the equation. That it would just be normal in this era of my life.
“It’s a tradeoff I’m willing to make short term, for longer term fulfillment”
— My mind
But something didn’t sit right.
That something manifested as aching loneliness.
Here’s wiki’s definition:
Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived or actual isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain – a psychological mechanism that motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with a perceived lack of connection and intimacy. Loneliness overlaps and yet is distinct from solitude.
Solitude is simply the state of being apart from others; not everyone who experiences solitude feels lonely.
As a subjective emotion, loneliness can be felt even when a person is surrounded by other people.
I love my solitude—I like doing things alone.
But I didn’t want to feel like I am alone.
And to be honest, many times in the past 8 months I’ve felt really alone.
I missed having a consistent teammate.
Yes there are friends, and I am very lucky to have loving and supportive friends. I am grateful to my community.
But consistent love at home is different.
Nibbler provided that to me like nothing else in the world.
Someone who was there for the wins and the losses.
The seriousness and the silliness.
The ups, the downs.
Who didn’t need me to explain, or be perfect.
Just, consistent love.
A consistent teammate.
I missed that… and I was determined to do something about it.
The Almost Foster Fail
In May, I fostered a pup named Buzz.
I was cautious.
I thought maybe I was just trying to avoid my loneliness.
And I wanted to be sure that this wasn’t just a reaction in grief in losing Nibbler.
I had anxiety about whether a dog would throw my whole routine off.
I’m bootstrapping a startup, working a demanding job, rock climbing training, trail running towards a 100 mile race, and generally trying hard at improving myself everyday.
I’ve got systems. What if a dog wrecked it all?
But during that week with Buzz, I was so happy and content.
A friend told me I smiled more.
I laughed more.
It stoked a fire that had laid dormant for months.
My Dog Dad fire. 😂
I have such a strong identity as a Dog Dad. It’s corny, but it’s also true. It’s so true that I have it on my LinkedIn for Nibbler.
I nearly “Foster Failed” with Buzz—when someone fostering a pet while it waits for its forever home, adopts the pet instead.
Then, Buzz was adopted by a lovely family.
He went to great home. I was happy for him.
Then, Buzz was gone.
And I sat with the silence again for a couple of months.
I just… listened.
I took note of my productivity, my mental clarity, my emotional state.
And what I heard was clear:
I’m ready.
After many nights scrolling Petfinder and questioning my decision-making…
I adopted a buddy.
Meet Kenji.
The shelter told me he’s some sort of Belgian Malinois, Border Collie, Australian Shepherd mutt.
He’s amazing.
And to be honest with you?
All that anxiety?
It was noise.
Raising Nibbler and Poppy taught me how to do this. I’ve been here—juggling a demanding ambitious career and being the best dog dad.
Of course I have the capacity.
Of course I have the systems.
Of course I have the discipline.
Obviously I could raise a puppy and juggle a demanding life. I’ve done it before, as a less skilled individual.
Of course I can do it now.
I am more skilled now than ever.
My anxiety and perfectionism got the best of me, and I had many wasted hours of rumination on this topic.
What I didn’t have… was a consistent teammate.
And now I do.
I’ve had Kenji for about 10 days. It’s been such a joy to train and love him.
Here’s him going down the stairs. It’s adorable.
Stairs round 2.
Kenji has become a morning bird like me.
It’s pretty normal for us to have a dog dad training break at 4 AM at the park.
Fetch, recall drills, walking, bonding.
I’m even getting him into hiking so hopefully he can eventually go on long trail runs with me.
His little legs are learning.
And my heart feels full.
Here’s the wild part…
I’m actually more productive now.
It makes no sense at first glance—but here’s my theory:
Because I want to be a great dog dad, I’ve become even more rigorous with my time, discipline, and energy.
Kenji forces me to be present.
To prioritize what matters.
And when I do that? My whole life levels up!
I really enjoy it.
It works well for me.
Limiting Beliefs: The Lesson I Learned (Again)
When I am stressed or going through a hard time, my mind can go to a place where I avoid love and connection.
It can go to a place where I don’t feel I deserve it. It can lead me to not ask for help when I really need it.
I’ve learned to recognize this over time as the voice of an inner critic that no longer serves me, from bad childhood experiences.
Some people ask me how I work through these mental cruxes.
You’re seeing it play out right here, in my writing.
It all starts with beliefs and how you evidence them. That process helps me gain clarity.
Beliefs tend to stay trapped in the mind until you hold a mirror up to yourself and examine them.
You give them a physical manifestation—ink to paper, pixel to screen.
Then you can really see yourself.
In the nearly 9 years of therapy I’ve done, I’ve worked through many limiting beliefs.
I still work through them. I think of it like a garden, that I need to tend to. I have to pull the weeds (limiting beliefs) out before they become rooted.
I need to nurture the ones that I know will serve me to become my better self.
It’s an ongoing process.
These were limiting beliefs I worked through here after losing Nibbler, and now adopting Kenji:
“I don’t deserve love and companionship when I’m not perfect.”
→
“I deserve love and companionship even when I’m not perfect. And perfect doesn’t exist.”
“Caring for others will wreck my routines and productivity.”
→
“Caring for others makes me more intentional, more present, and more productive.”
“I can get dog or find love after I’ve ‘made it.’”
→
“I can have and deserve love while I’m building now. This is the life I want—not a rehearsal for it.”
This was an important lesson to me: the work is never done.
It is useful to always question my beliefs and assumptions, and ask myself—”Is this serving me?”
I believe that personal growth and evolving my truths is a continuous journey—there is no “done”.
Every peak is another plateau.
I learned that I didn’t need to waste all that time ruminating.
When I got Kenji my heart told me it was the right answer.
I mean, look at our fun shenanigans. This is now my work break. It’s the best.
I learned that…
For some things, logic, thinking and the brainspace makes sense.
For others, emotions and the heartspace makes more sense.
The lesson here is that what I needed—love and connection—lived on the other side of my limiting beliefs.
I got in my own way.
Makes sense, it’s right there on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
I learned that when I deny this part of myself, I become less of who I am.
But when I nurture the identities that make me me—the disciplined builder, the responsible son, the writer, the rock climber, the dog dad and more—I’m whole.
And a whole me? Is a better me.
So if you’re out there feeling uncertain… maybe write down your beliefs. See if they serve you.
If they don’t, learn from my mistake.
Don’t waste hours ruminating. Tackle it right then and there. This applies to everything in life.
For me in this experience, “deserving it” or “waiting until the right time” were limiters.
The right time is now.
Life is better with a teammate.
Even if they’ve got paws and eat their kibble way too fast. (:
—
Note:
Thanks for being here.
If this message resonates, I’d love to hear from you! Hit reply. I read every message.
Best,
Robert
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Happy for you to have found Kenji! I loved what you said about “Every peak is another plateau” and how having Kenji made you “become even more rigorous with my time, discipline, and energy” and prioritize, because you wanted, needed, to be present with him. I need to remind myself of that with my kids and family too.