How I Manage It All Without Losing It (much)
4 Actionable Strategies To Balance Ambition With Responsibilities
Hey there! Iām Robert. Welcome to a free edition of my newsletter. Every week, I share 1 piece of advice š, 1 breakthrough recommendation š, and 1 challenge š„ to help leaders in tech achieve a growth mindset, transform their communication & influence, and master their emotions. Subscribe today to become the person and leader that people love, respect, and follow.
My phone buzzed againāanother urgent call about my brotherās condition.
Meanwhile, 10 emails and chat messages marked urgent stared at me.
I rubbed my temples, trying to push down the loneliness creeping in.
At times, it felt like I was leading two separate livesāthe catherder, caretaker, and financial safety net of the home and a relentless product leader at work.
Balancing it all felt impossible.
Then it hit me.
The pressure I was feeling wasnāt about capabilityāit was about unrealistic expectations.
I couldnāt be everything to everyone without taking care of myself first.
Did you know that only 23% of caregivers report "good" mental health, while 40% cite caregiving as a major stressor?
Itās so important to build mental and emotional resilience to protect yourself if youāre juggling a lot.
This weekās newsletter is for those who feel stretched too thin, yet want to manage it all gracefully.
Letās talk about building resilience and making progress even through all the chaos of life.
š¤ This Weekās ABC
Advice: 4 actionable strategies to balance everything.
Breakthrough: A 3 minute daily protocol that builds resilience.
Challenge: One small step to feel sane even when things are insane.
š Advice: Anchor Yourself First
"Taking care of yourself isnāt selfish. Itās the foundation for taking care of others."
āAudre Lorde
"Are you trying to kill me?"āmy brother, at 7:30 AM before work.
In late 2018, I checked my brother into the mental health hospital. I was also launching my 1st product.
It was a stressful time.
He was dealing with paranoid delusions, and what we now know was an episode of schizophrenia.
During this time, here was my typical day:
6:00 AM: Woke up in my living room on the floor, because I gave my bed to my brother (he was dealing with insomnia)
6:30 AM: Took my dogs out for a walk, then hit the gym. Tidied up the house: dishes, clutter.
7:30 AM: "Are you trying to kill me?". I try to calm him down. Success. Pain.
8:30 AM: Get to work. Scrum. Blockers. Bugs.
9:00 AM: Catch up on emails. Emailing feels a bit empty and meaningless.
9:30 AM: Get a text from my brotherā"I'm hearing noises... are the rooms tapped in your house?". Step out to call my brother.
10:30 AM: Work on product strategy, customer meetings, design review. Productive.
12:00 PM: Go home, check on my brother, microwave him leftovers. Read a bit about possible underlying conditions.
1:00 PM: Synthesize product feedback, coordinate with GTM. Productive.
2:00 PM: Product planning. Semi-productive.
2:37 PM: Get a call from my brother - "Is your roommate out to get me? I think he's planning something". Talked him through his delusions. Finish planning meeting.
4:00 PM: Wrap up the day, get another text from my brotherā"I'm scared. Help." My heart sinks. I get it together to finish the day strong, then commute home.
6:00 PM: Make dinner for us, handle house chores.
7:00 PM: Take him to the gym so he can get out of the house.
9:00 PM: One last paranoid delusion to work through. My brother goes to sleep.
10:00 PM: I lie on the floor of my living room, trying to meditate and let go of the emotional toll of having to "keep it together" and "be strong".
I succeed with keeping my own sanity for another day.
Rinse & repeat.
Iāve learned that dealing with family health issues, being a caregiver, and juggling an ambitious career is hard.
Is it possible though?
Yes.
The product launched, we had paying customers and it scaled fast.
My brother eventually got the treatment he needed.
I stayed sane.
Fast forward to today: I still worry for my brother continuously. The problems havenāt stopped either, theyāve just changed.
Iāve made some progress in optimizing how I deal with juggling the chaos.
The issues come out of nowhere, though they are less frequent.
My brother is incrementally making progress towards better autonomy and health.
I have to be satisfied with that.
Additionally, in the past 6 years, my career has really accelerated:
2018: Product Manager
2019: Strategic Initiatives
2020-2022: Lead Product Architect (patented work, grew revenue from 2B to 4B+)
2022-2023: CEO of my own bootstrapped startup ($1.5M revenue)
2024: Chief Product Architect
And Iām going to keep going.
I have big dreams to leave a positive impact on 1 billion people that lasts after Iām gone.
In my journey so far, Iāve learned that balancing the chaos to thrive and accelerate boils down to 4 key strategies.
š 4 Actionable Strategies To Balance Ambition With Responsibilities
1. Your health comes first
Think of your health as the foundation of everything you build. Without it, even the strongest ambitions crumble. This doesnāt mean prioritizing health only when itās convenientāit means protecting it as non-negotiable.
Key Practices:
Sleep like itās your secret weapon. Commit to a sleep schedule, even if you canāt get a full 8 hours. Short, high-quality rest is better than tossing and turning with stress.
Move daily, eat well. Even a 20-minute walk can improve mood and clarity. Exercise isnāt just physicalāitās mental and emotional armor and resilience. Focus on whole foods that fuel long-term stamina. I personally eat plant based, and I generally feel full of energy. Also keep a good rotation of āhealthyā takeout foods on your Doordash for those rough days.
Go to the mental health gym. When times are hard, I increase my frequency of therapy sessions from monthly to weekly as necessary. I never skip the mental health gym. It helps me resilience, so I have the steadiness and energy to keep going.
Mindset Shift:
Taking care of yourself is essential.
Your ability to show up for others depends on your ability to show up for yourself first.
2. Time management is everything
Time is your most precious resource.
Itās finite, and the demands on it will always outstrip supply.
Mastering how you allocate time is key to managing the chaos and coming out ahead.
Key Practices:
Calendar EVERYTHING. Treat self-care, family, and deep work as sacred calendar blocks. If itās not on the schedule, it wonāt happen.
Shared Calendar for Caregiving: I wish when things were more stressful, I had leveraged a shared calendar for caregiving. Itās a great move.
Batch tasks. Group similar activities (e.g., responding to emails, caregiving check-ins) to minimize context-switching fatigue.
Mindset Shift:
Your calendar reflects your priorities.
If your health or relationships are missing, itās time to rework what you value most.
3. Ask for help
Thereās no badge of honor for doing everything alone.
Asking for help isnāt a sign of weaknessāitās a mark of wisdom.
I used to make the foolish mistake of being a lone wolf about my problems.
It just led to unnecessary stress and feelings of being alone and misunderstood. Donāt make the same mistake.
Key Practices:
Delegate what you can. Whether itās caregiving tasks, chores, or work projects, lighten your load by getting help from others. Be specific as well: āI need help,ā say, āCould you watch him for 2 hours on Tuesday?ā or āCan you handle this slide deck for the presentation?ā
Find support: I also intentionally activate friends for connection. Iāve reached out to friends saying, āHey Iām feeling pretty lonely and everything feels heavy. Can you give me some words of affirmations?ā and Iāve only ever received love and kindness. It helps a lot.
Find support, tap your network. Leverage community resources, support groups, and even HR benefits at work. Joining a support group to connect with people who understand your challenges is very helpful for feeling like youāre not alone. One example is NAMI.
Mindset Shift:
Youāre not meant to do it all. It takes a village.
Asking for help allows you to conserve energy for the moments that truly matter.
You also feel more connected, and feel less alone (in my experience).
4. Maintain discipline
Success doesnāt come from motivationāit comes from discipline.
Motivation wanes, but discipline keeps you moving forward, even when youāre tired or overwhelmed.
So how do you find it?
For me, it comes from who I want to be.
I want to be the BEST:
brother,
son,
dog dad,
partner,
community member,
leader,
rock climber,
poet,
writer,
etc.
that I can be.
Thatās who I want to be. Someone that tries really hard at everything and with everyone they love.
I firmly believe: It doesn't matter what you say, it matters what you do.Ā
Talk is cheap.
ā I can easily say I want to be the best brother, son, dog dad, etc. ever.
But itās another thing entirely to constantly put in effort for that desire to be truth.
ā I want to live who I want to be, as my consistent truth.
So, I always bring my best effort to the table of all of my identities.
I definitely make mistakes. Iām definitely not perfect.
But I always strive to try my absolute best.
Key Practices:
Focus on consistency, not perfection. A missed day at the gym doesnāt derail progressāwhat matters is that the missed day is an outlier, not the norm.
Say no to unimportant things. Iāve had to learn to say no after many hard periods of time in my life. Saying no protects you. Setting boundaries is healthy. It helps prevent burnout, which Iāve written about before.
Revisit your āwhy.ā On tough days, remind yourself why youāre balancing these responsibilities. The āwhyā fuels your discipline. I have a document with my āwhyā. It helps immensely.
Mindset Shift:
Discipline is a muscle.
The more you work that muscle, the stronger it becomesāand the easier it gets to show up daily.
š Breakthrough: Staying Positive With A Few Words A Day
A storm swept through a forest, leaving trees toppled and broken.
In the aftermath, a traveler noticed a lone bamboo plant standing upright amidst the wreckage. Curious, he approached an old farmer nearby and asked, "Why didnāt the bamboo fall?"
The farmer smiled. "Bamboo bends with the wind, but it never breaks. Itās strong because it knows when to yield."
Bamboo teaches us that flexibility and resilience are the keys to enduring lifeās challenges.
It is adaptable.
It bends without breaking.
It yields where it must, but it never breaks.
When life hits you hardācaregiving, a sudden career setback, or a moment of lonelinessāyou must bend without breaking.
This is resilience.
So how do we stay flexible when faced with tons of stress and adversity?
Over the years, Iāve tried many things.
One of the best tools I have found (extremely high value, extremely low effort) to maintain resilience is gratitude journaling.
š 3 Scientific Reasons Why Gratitude Is Foundational
Rewires the Brain for Positivity: Practicing gratitude stimulates the release of dopamine and serotonin, the brain's "feel-good" chemicals, which helps create a habit of focusing on the positive, even in challenging times.
Reduces Stress and Anxiety: A few minutes of gratitude daily activates the parasympathetic nervous system, shifting the body into a calmer state and reducing stress hormones like cortisol.
Strengthens Relationships: Expressing gratitude fosters connection and empathy, making interactions and relationships with others more meaningful.
Most people donāt start journaling because they have it in their heads that if theyāre not writing insightful works or scrolls of wisdom, then itās not worth it.
ā Journaling is not about that, at all.
It is simply about getting whatās in your brain out on paper, without judgment for how you write or how itās formatted.
My philosophy:
When your mind is scattered, write to gather it.
When your mind is focused, write to sharpen it.
Writing what youāre grateful for is the practice of reminding yourself why youāre still here.
š My 3 minute gratitude journaling template
Below are 3 questions I write everyday in my journal. It takes only a few minutes. Thatās it.
Sometimes I write bullets, sometimes I write sentences.
I do this everyday.
I write without judgment on my writing.
yyyy-mm-dd
Morning
What am I grateful for?
Night
What were the highlights today?
What did I learn today?
And hereās a filled out example.
2024-11-12
Morning
What am I grateful for?
Breathing
My health
Walking my dogs
Being alive
Night
What were the highlights today?
Hanging with my dogs
Talking to my friends
Calling my mom
Climbing and getting a bike workout
Making delicious lentil soup
Making progress on my work
What did I learn today?
I learned that listening can be a form of meditation with enough intentionality. Thatās so cool!
I swear, this 3 minute journaling protocol has kept me sane in the most insane moments.
Try it for a whole week, and youāll notice a shift in your energy, mood, and resilience.
What I Did This Week
Iāve been going through a rough time lately.
Family health stuff, relationship stuff.
This week, I made sure be extra grateful for the really small and foundational things in life: breathing, walking, my health, my home.
That simple act became my anchor as I navigate the chaos.
š„ Challenge: Pause & Reflect
Take 3 minutes everyday this next week, and try my gratitude journal template.
You wonāt regret it.
Your future self will thank you.
Another last pro-tip: be okay with not being okay. Someone said this to me last week, and it resonated deeply.
Itās okay to not be okay.
The awareness and acceptance removes self-pressure from you.
You got this.
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š How do you juggle all of the chaos, and come out ahead?
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